Fresh from winning their league and with a pool of 15 to choose from, the gents 4s had a real swagger in their stride, the men falling over themselves to make the squad in order to stake a claim for further bragging rights at the club dinner that evening. The lead up to the game had seen the men’s mailing list stuffed with fanciful claims and boasts, with only wily veteran Adam Marsh and our venerable President Richard Gray providing the dissenting voices.

In contrast, the ladies were struggling to field a team, with the National League 1 side missing a large number of their first team squad; U21 Scottish pair Newlands and Ramsay and U18 internationalist Inglis were all missing due to exam commitments, with senior players Bartholomew, captain Stobie and custodian Robertson also unavailable.

Despite only having 11 players, the ladies were, however, resplendent in pink, a calculated psychological ploy designed both to lull the men further into a false sense of security, and ensure greater humiliation for them when the inevitable happened.

The ladies attacked hard from the start, and almost found themselves ahead in the early stages, spending most of their time camped in the mens 25, with only some stubborn and robust defending preventing them taking the lead.

From the ladies outlet, the men stepped up to try to press left half-back Gray, but she proceeded to launch a series of aerials into the space behind, with Shaw taking the opportunity to maraud up and down the left side, regularly getting to the baseline and causing problems in behind the men's defence. Men’s skipper Fraser managed to fashion a chance on a breakaway, but failed to worry the net as he was closed down in the D.

The girls continued to dominate, although with the men defending deep and getting numbers behind the ball, the Ladies all too often resorted to dribbling rather than playing the slick passing game that had recently secured their spot in the country’s top league for another season.

As the girls pushed up with a high defensive line, the gents broke away to make a rare foray into the opposition half as captain Munro knocked the ball long past Cameron into the right-hand corner. Having boasted of his sprinting prowess pre-match ("I ran the school 100m in 11 seconds”) Munro showed the ladies' defence a clean pair of heels as he chased down his own pass, only to be shocked into fumbling it over the baseline after realising he had been matched side-for-stride by the gazelle-like galloping of Hill. It did however gain the men some vital seconds in the ladies half, boosting ailing territory stats.

As half-time approached, the Ladies had just 9 players on the pitch, with U18 internationalists Shaw and Holdgate nursing knocks on the sidelines. That number soon became 8 as Alex Robertson picked up a green card for a feisty challenge, giving ‘the face’ to Ali Gauld as she departed the pitch. Despite having a much superior numerical advantage, the men failed to capitalise, almost conceding instead as the ball flew across the face of the goal, just eluding an onrushing attacker. As the umpires blew time, the men were undoubtedly relieved to hear the whistle and make it to the break unscathed.

The second half continued in the same vein, although the ladies, back up to 11 with the addition of a recently-arrived trialist, started to move the men’s defensive unit more effectively, opening up gaps and opportunities that saw them create a number of chances and win a succession of PCs. Despite the near constant pressure however, they were unable to convert their possession into goals, the best chance falling to Sleven who looked set to score, but goal-tender Hogg was out smartly to avert the danger.

With little in the way of any action to divert their attention defensively, the Ladies’ back four naturally moved to three, with Hill stepping through into midfield, leaving fellow full-back Graham to ably mop up the occasional rogue attack and counter. As she glided serenely around the back, the men’s front line chased in vain, with only a profuse sweat to show for their efforts.

Finally they got the goal their play deserved. A clever threaded pass from Cameron found a teammate near the D who then won a foul. Tait then showed some quick-thinking to restart quickly and earn a PC. A perfectly-worked corner option then presented MacCallum, the youngest player on the pitch, with the chance to to deflect the ball through the legs of Hogg and into the mens goal.

Although with no subs to call upon, the ladies were tiring, but undaunted, they continued to press, continually causing problems and it took an overly-polite mix-up between the trialist and Graham to present the men with their best chance of the game, the mis-communication allowing skipper Munro the chance for and undeserved equaliser, but his shot was deftly smothered by the advancing Allard-Dunbar. The ladies then comfortably saw out the last remaining minutes, to claim victory and condemn the men to a lifetime of embarrassment and the (as yet uncompleted) forfeit.

By Keith Smith